Bingo Jokes and Funny Stories
"Jack and Jill were playing Bingo. Jack kept looking over Jill's shoulder saying, you’ve got that number, mark it off, you’ve got that number, mark it off.
After putting up with this for some time Jill got annoyed and said, why don’t you do your own sheet!?
Jack replied - I can’t its full !"
Jane and Mary go to their local bingo club. It is Mary's first time at playing bingo.
Mary turns to Jane and says "I need a 59 and a 99".
Jane replies "99? The numbers only go up to 90!"
"I know, but the ice cream man comes at 7.30 and I want my flake!" says Mary.
Blondes and Bingo
It was a Ladies Only Night in the All Blonde Bingo Hall. The night had been pretty boring, not one single person had a BINGO all night. The last game was up for grabs, with a huge bingo prize of $3500.00 in the pot.
The game drags on and on, and nearly every blonde in the house had to be on for the big blackout. Finally, G-47 was called, but still no shouts of “Bingo!” were heard. The frustrated caller finally gets up and throws the Bingo Machine off the stage. All the girls were shocked and the caller says: "I've just called every darn one of these 75 balls out of this machine and nobody has a Bingo? Just what number are you ladies waiting for?" All together, 412 blonde ladies shouted: "FREE SPACE!"
Q: What is black and white and screams "YES! YES! YES!"
A: A nun winning at bingo.
The 10 commandments of Bingo
1. Thou shall not sit in thy neighbors lucky seat.
2. Thou shall not stare at thy neighbors card.
3. Thou shall not take the Callers name in vain.
4. Thou shall not call false "Bingo".
5. Thou shall not wish bad luck on thy neighbor.
6. Thou shall not threaten to kill the "Caller".
7. Thou shall not steal thy husband's money for Bingo.
8. Thou shall not brag about how much thou hast won.
9. Thou shall not whine about how much thou hast lost.
10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's winnings.
Q: How do you get a sweet, little old lady to say the F-word?
A: Get another little old lady to shout "BINGO!!!
Bee Eye who?
B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and BINGO is my name-o
A lady from Sydney loved Bingo,
So much so that she taught her Dingo,
She took him along to the hall,
Where they both had a ball,
Till he Full-Housed but could not speak the Lingo!
The Bingo Prayer
As I lay me down to slumber
All I need is one more number
When to the big game I go
I pray the Lord I yell BINGO.
Always A Winner!
Shirley and Janice, two friends, went together to play the slot machines at their local Bingo Hall. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the Bingo Hall and sit on the bench to wait for her friend. Shirley quickly lost all of her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited and waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she saw Janice coming toward her carrying a huge sack of coins. "Hey, Shirley," said Janice, "how'd you do?" "Well, Janice", said Shirley, "you see me here on this bench- what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Shirley, "did I find a good machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!!"
Being a good loser at bingo is considered admirable, so long as it is *Some-one Else*
I Don't Lose
A husband and wife were playing bingo and competing to see who could get all of the numbers and hence call bingo the most.
They were completely level right up until the last number both needed number 11 to win. 11 came up, so they even scored, tied the game and shared the win.
Not so protested the husband, I said it quicker!
What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
- A bingo machine.
I only play bingo on days that end in Y.